Pushing a wall is still better, you know.

In my case, I don't think there is anything -- or anyone, to be specific -- to push.

I didn't have big hope since the very beginning. I spent two years as a member, and I had already seen how... lonely this group was. Only certain names were fighting for it, others neglected it. I didn't know the story behind, the reasons, whatever. But I believed in those who came that day, so I decided to take on the job. I knew it would be hard, I knew I would eventually be the last person standing. Still, it didn't make things easier now that it truly happened.

I'm not particularly angry or mad or very disappointed. Like I said I knew this would happen. If there is anyone to blame, it'll be all of us, and I'll carry the biggest burden. Each of us must have a reason (because I will be sure to smack them if they have no reason at all for not coming) so I'm trying to understand it. Busy with academic activities, just not up for singing in choir again, or tired looking at my face. There is a reason, no matter how ridiculous it may be.

To be honest, I'm not sure why I'm still doing this. We are a group, if there is only me left then we're nothing at all. No one to teach, no one to sing with. I'm surprised this group is still alive, if that is indeed how things work past few years. I can't get things moving solely out of my love of singing. This thing needs people to work; something very basic I never really have.

I love this, but it seems like I'm the only one who love it this much.

I just don't want to fail. But I see no other way.