rainchild

This weekend is rather gloomy. I didn't return to grandma's place because I wanted to enjoy sleeping at boarding house to the best, but I spent Saturday morning on an activity for my organization and the Sunday morning for church. And wi-fi here died, so I had to resort to using modem. This is the third day the wi-fi died, and with it all the drama and anime series I was supposed to catch up with this weekend. :|

I'm trying not to be too dependent on technology, but still, lol. This topic was also mentioned at the retreat last time. Humans have been too dependent for their lives and become slaves to technology. In a sense it is true, but how helpful and how basic these things have become in our lives is just that undeniable. At least I can still do my academic tasks well with this modem. But this slow speed is killing me. T_T

Oh, well, I suppose this is a sign for me to study since exam is coming closer. So I'll study now and get ready for big payment soon after!

I survived the world's doomsday. God loves me! /sarcasm

Anyway, been more than a month since my last post here. Very sporadic, eh? Here I was, promising to try hard to write regularly, but eventually it fell behind. Life's been busy, and the time I had used to stay online were channeled to games or anime or sleeping. Sounded like.. frustrated? Perhaps, a bit.

This year's Christmas and New Year is the first I celebrate without my core family. I'm stuck here because my semester is yet to end, but parents and sister are already at hometown. Around a week more I'll be free, but there's still a lot to go through to reach that point. Exams, mainly. On January 2nd, 2013. Look at the date, LOOK AT IT.

Honestly saying I wanted to celebrate New Year at a friend's house. But thanks to this annoying responsibility of having to go and see relatives on those days, I'll return to grandma's place soon enough. And studying there. And make a fool of myself for not being able to talk and have fun like others have. Because I barely talk to them, or maybe don't really know all these relatives that well.

I guess I'm just tired with life.

I'll probably write a bit more since I'm so bored and lazy. But two exams are around the corner as well, so...

P.S.: Belated Merry Christmas 2012!

June is already here. In fact, we have already reached the second of June of 2012. The year of end of the world. :P Bottom line is, time flies, right? It feels as if we have just celebrated New Year few days ago, now we are already halfway through this year. So scary.

So many things have happened lately. Quite a lot of stress from school, with so many things to read and work on. Especially now that rather silent weeks have passed and we once again enter the weeks of battle with exams. My online activity thus have been reduced quite a bit, and it will decrease even more in upcoming weeks, until around three weeks from now when current class end and new one starts. Mom and my sister returned to hometown few days ago, leaving me alone here. And I can only go home on late August. Such a long way to go.

I suppose I can say I am kind of stressed with another thing as well.

I just don't understand why. I suppose if we talk directly, I will finally find out... Yet I feel there is no urge to do so since the other party totally shows no interest at all in talking with me about anything. That is rather discouraging, hence I decided to back off slowly and eventually cut off the connection. Not that I am angry or anything... I just don't understand why, and I react to what I see in front of me. Who wants to live in discomfort anyway, right? If I am not needed, if it makes me feel discomfort, I may as well stand back and live my life alone. No offense at all.

Perhaps it sounds like I am disappointed? I guess so. Deep inside since we have been together for a while, we can sort things out properly, but turns out I was wrong. I had faith... and in one way or another I was 'betrayed'. Sometimes I think if I have done something wrong, something I am unaware of.

So when I was told that we were going to talk... I'm just curious now.

Enough with the gloomy post.

The coming of June also marks something else in my life, actually, something more positive and lovely. It marks six month of something special, which I didn't think would last this long actually. It started of as something fun, and eventually we enjoyed it. I can't wait to see where we will go to after this. <3

Staying positive is so hard to do, but I will do my best!


P.S.: I hope you like the secrecy! :DD