aetherna: (chibi3)
2015-11-23 01:30 pm
Entry tags:

Of All These Friends and Lovers

I do wonder why we can't have all the good things in the world in this life. After all, we only live once. Mother Earth is so harsh! I have graduated and now doing a small job while waiting for international assignment, but the friendship and love department are rather in chaos.

Long story short, two of my best friends are having a cold war since months ago to the point where they have declared that they are no longer friends. I once tried to retrace the steps to find the real cause(s) behind this situation, but I was not very successful. (1) Difference in ideology of 'common' things. A acts like this, A thinks that is okay but B is offended. Vice versa. Instead of confronting each other, they keep it bottled inside like most other girls do. Therefore with one trigger, everything just exploded and could not be saved anymore. (2) Problems with bf. There seems to be discomfort with how the bf of these girls are behaving and that affects the girls. I understand we can't live in peace forever every second, but when you declare yourself as "best friends", I thought we could work out things like this. Turns out we can't. My last and only hope is that they directly say to each other, and to me, as someone who is still friendly with A and B separately, that we can no longer be friends like before. That we should move on. I need this closure so bad. Yet I can't exactly push them around to 'say it right here right now' because they are still working together for the next few months. Said it would be too awkward if we talk now. My wound is getting cold, leaving scar. I don't want to look back to this day and still in pain for not putting a proper end to this broken vase.

Love department is actually not that gloomy. I think my bf has been generally supportive in all these times. I guess I'm still learning to expect less and do more, not to hope too much so I won't be hurt or too disappointed. Yet sometimes I can't help it. It's not like I never talked it out with him, though; we did and we had improvements so I should be thankful.

"In my life, I love you more."
aetherna: (artistique4)
2014-08-04 07:35 pm

The Beauty of Japan - Day 1

I decide to be more positive and get out of this laziness hole. It is time to be more productive and give this blog something worth reading! With that said, there is no better story in my life except my trip to Japan. Another reason is because I also need to record that awesome experience somewhere else outside my head, so that in case I forget it like stupid hero(ine)s in TV drama get their amnesia because of some not-so-important things, the story will not be gone just like that.

This post is dedicated to the first day of our very quick trip, July 16th 2014. I went with two friends to Osaka, Kansai. We planned this trip since around a year ago. We bought the tickets on September 2013, I still had the copy on my laptop.

Read more... )


One of many attempts of throwing rock into the river. HI!
aetherna: (chibi5)
2014-07-28 03:01 pm

For love. And justice.

These last two days, my friends and I made a huge decision. It was not an easy decision. Yet I heard bad rumors about us at the other side of the island. This post is not made to pick a fight with that other party and the place that I once considered "home". This post stays as a clarification and a memento, so that everyone who reads it, everyone who is involved, and for myself, to always remember the mistakes we did and never to do it again.

Forum Promotion. I found this forum when I first started my own forum and/or blog, years ago. I think it was around 2010. I did not stay long because I did not agree with a review for my blog that I requested. After I moved on from that anger, though, I found myself staying around the forum. I eventually joined the staff team as a Review Team Member, resigned in 2012, rejoined the team as a Community Team Member, and promoted to Review Team Leader around the end of 2013 until two days ago.

When and where did everything start...?

My resignation was not based in one event. It was an accumulation of many disappointments towards the owner of the forum when I was a team leader there. (I am not planning to mention any name in this post. Anybody curious can ask me for the name directly and privately.) Nobody is perfect. However, when someone with a position as high as an owner did not do anything to "pay" for the imperfection, disturbed the rhythm of other staff members' work, and disregarded their hard work, those were the very last lines of my limit. I chose to leave before I exploded.

I had fun with my job as a reviewer and a team leader. Team leader is equal to global moderators, so it is a double work. As a global moderator, I was required to also communicate with administrators and owner of the forum. There were many agreements and disagreements between us, yet we had always managed to come to terms with each other and perform our duties as usual.

I did realize the owner did not participate much in our discussions about management of the forum. To be honest that is not anything new; since the era of the previous owner until the current one, they rarely did any direct participation in forum management and moderation. It was nerve-wracking, but at least we could handle everything else. I was okay with the other administrators and us team leaders taking care of those all.

That is why, it became strange that when the owner decided to actually participate, all that he did was going against us.

As a former Community Team Member (aka the moderators of the forum) and current global moderator who had to deal with troublemakers, there is no bigger insult than looking at banned members returning to the forum all of a sudden. No notice, no reason. When the said members cause troubles once again, it was other administrators and team leaders who had to deal with the crap. Not the owner. One administrator, due to exhaustion dealing with a certain troublemaker, even left a note saying clearly that he would step down if this member ever returned to the forum. And the owner did the exact thing: he unbanned the member, gave him a sponsor membership, and enjoyed the day. I did not know the reason for these members returning, and I did not even care. I heard it was related to money, but I would not judge him with rumors.

He claimed he did not read the note. Does that make sense? This is one serious form of ignorance.

One day the owner also decided to promote someone to "Valued Contributor" group. It is a group for important people, as the name implied. Mostly for retired team leaders or those who have contributed largely to the forum despite not being a staff member. This one person was added without clear notice and reason, as usual. We were told that it was a reward in advance for the things he would do for the forum. It did not really make sense, but we chose to wait. We waited, but nothing happened. And so we questioned this decision. Other staff members caught this member doing inappropriate actions which earned him reminders from the moderators, which made our discomfort even greater. At the peak of the discomfort, the owner once again decided to give a reward-in-advance for this member in form of short user name. This kind of reward had never been given to any other member because it required edits through cPanel. This looked like a game of favoritism to our eyes. While we protested, the owner did the same thing to himself without replying to our concerns.

Am I wrong if I said that such action was equal to shouting to us that he did not care about us or what we said and that he could do anything he want?

He is the owner. I feel that such action is very, very inappropriate. To the level of insulting. I feel as if he was mocking us, who worked ourselves so hard out of love for nothing. No real life payment. In fact, we wasted our free time for the forum and its members. We kept the boards clean. And he acted as if we were nothing.

Those were two important events which drove me to my resignation. It could be different for each of those who resigned, but it was generally the same for everyone. We were tired. Very tired.

I heard that the other side of the party removed specific details of the story to manipulate the situation. I heard that he thought we blackmailed him and didn't give him time or chance to explain himself. He can do and say whatever he wants. This is the truth, though, whether you believe it or not. Three administrators, four team leaders, and four staff team members stepped down in total due to this event. One administrator and one team leader stepped down earlier because they couldn't handle it anymore. Does it seem like we didn't give him time to explain or change? Think for yourself.

I also have special message to those who choose to stay at the current Forum Promotion, whether as a regular member or as the new staff team member, including our former friends who betrayed us. My advice is simple. OPEN YOUR EYES AND EARS. WIDELY. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Watch everything carefully and see for yourself if we just made this up or not. I heard the owner said he was going to change. That is good. Unfortunately, that is also what we heard over and over again, up to the point that it is very hard to trust. So go ahead and prove it yourself. I hope this event will stop here and you will not suffer the way we did. If it does not stop, though, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Fare thee well, Forum Promotion.
aetherna: (chibi4)
2013-04-01 09:56 pm

The Comeback

It has been a while since I posted any update in this journal. Caught up in life, and just... too lazy. <3 But as payback, here I'll share the summary of previous months.

February 2013 ~ The big thing was me turning 20. Feeling so old, yeah. First few days of February was spent lazily at home, enjoying what was probably my last holiday for the next a year and half, or so my friends said. So I was at home with parents and sister, visiting this and that place, doing this and that, until I had to resume school. Classes were fine, got its boring moment, but I managed to got through it rather safely. Can't remember anything so special happening in February. Don't ask me of Valentine's Day, lol.

March 2013 ~ Happy Easter! March was closed with a lovely Easter celebration here, even though I was tired because of it. Preparations of events, usual university stuffs, me getting lazy, me and my addiction to drama and anime, finishing Winter's anime, and waiting patiently for the new Spring titles. Noticed how my friends were fighting, getting pissed off at some things, got into fangirl mode on for music and drama, and found peace between all those hectic moments. I'm glad March went through safely, too.

Now... Happy April's Fools day! Nothing bad happened today, thank goodness. Instead I'm preparing for exam right away, and a retreat for Catholic students at the end of this week. Busy as hell. But somehow enjoying it. With all the laziness included. And waiting patiently for Seung Gi-oppa new sageuk drama which will start airing in mid-April.

Life can't get any better.
aetherna: (chibi1)
2012-12-31 11:25 pm

Last of 2012 #4

I've stopped studying around half an hour ago.

The priest at my church today mentioned the word "reflection" in his speech. He said a person who never reflected back on his life didn't deserve the life. By reflecting on his life, someone can become a person better than before, learning from his mistakes, expanding horizon, and living a healthier life. Reflection is never easy; it is in a point where you have to consider other point of views, otherwise the reflection has no meaning. I guess I did it once in a while...

My reflection of 2012? I think my spirit decreased a bit in 2012. It felt as if I rarely felt so attached or spirited in everything I did. School grades were not so bad but nothing special as well. Things with friends and family went well but flat, or so I think. I hope in 2013 I can fix those things somehow. Especially since I'll be entering the clinical stage of my education, it's an important step.

I hope you do well on your reflection as well. :P

P.S.: This is most probably will be the last post of in this year. Fare thee well, 2012. It was a nice, long journey with you.
aetherna: (artistique3)
2012-12-30 12:01 pm

Because 'the end' is 'the beginning of something new'.

I survived the world's doomsday. God loves me! /sarcasm

Anyway, been more than a month since my last post here. Very sporadic, eh? Here I was, promising to try hard to write regularly, but eventually it fell behind. Life's been busy, and the time I had used to stay online were channeled to games or anime or sleeping. Sounded like.. frustrated? Perhaps, a bit.

This year's Christmas and New Year is the first I celebrate without my core family. I'm stuck here because my semester is yet to end, but parents and sister are already at hometown. Around a week more I'll be free, but there's still a lot to go through to reach that point. Exams, mainly. On January 2nd, 2013. Look at the date, LOOK AT IT.

Honestly saying I wanted to celebrate New Year at a friend's house. But thanks to this annoying responsibility of having to go and see relatives on those days, I'll return to grandma's place soon enough. And studying there. And make a fool of myself for not being able to talk and have fun like others have. Because I barely talk to them, or maybe don't really know all these relatives that well.

I guess I'm just tired with life.

I'll probably write a bit more since I'm so bored and lazy. But two exams are around the corner as well, so...

P.S.: Belated Merry Christmas 2012!
aetherna: (artistique1)
2012-09-23 11:38 am

As long as I have music. ... Is it really enough?

These past two weeks I dedicated my life (by that, I mean my free time) mostly for my faculty's choir group. Well, I'm the chairman after all, but it was more because I was also responsible for the practice since we don't really have a fixed coach. So my friend and I helped the team as coaches. We had to perform twice, each in the last two Saturdays. So I scheduled practice for almost everyday during those weeks.

Things went better in first weeks than the last one. Short story is, our first performance was way, WAY, better than the last performance. Ashamed? No need to ask. Although I had kind of "given up" since I couldn't do anything anymore. It didn't change the fact that I was hurt and disappointed, more towards myself than others.

I was chosen as the chairman of this year's team. I actually had the chance to refuse, but I didn't. I thought this would be a good chance to "repent for my sins in the past"; failing our choir competitions and making our coach cry. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but man, isn't it hard.

The failure this time was my mistake, I guess, since I didn't plan it out well enough. When I accepted the job since the time frame was close to the other performance I thought it wouldn't be a problem. Lesson learned to be more careful in the future.

Performances are over, but now our big(gest) responsibility has come. New batches. What to do with them? If we can't keep them interested we'd lose people just like how we lost those one year below us. Another tough battle. Are we going to win?

Now I know for sure that it is not enough just to have music. Because not everyone in team is "satisfied" with "just music".
aetherna: (chibi6)
2012-06-13 11:41 am
Entry tags:

Gone with the wind?

Kind of. ^^;

I haven't been updating this blog in ages. I just didn't have anything I think worth sharing here... I was also tired from school, so many things to do. With exams coming and many things to read so I didn't really have much time playing around as usual. It has been quite a pressure, so yeah... There is an exam tomorrow, and two next week, so I'm beaten up so badly, haha~

Things with 'that person' went more or less fine. I didn't think we would ever return to the way we were before. It went okay, but something is always missing... Or maybe I'm looking to the past way too much.

Aside from that... nothing much.

...I'll try to write more.
aetherna: (chibi1)
2012-06-02 02:43 pm

Second of June.

June is already here. In fact, we have already reached the second of June of 2012. The year of end of the world. :P Bottom line is, time flies, right? It feels as if we have just celebrated New Year few days ago, now we are already halfway through this year. So scary.

So many things have happened lately. Quite a lot of stress from school, with so many things to read and work on. Especially now that rather silent weeks have passed and we once again enter the weeks of battle with exams. My online activity thus have been reduced quite a bit, and it will decrease even more in upcoming weeks, until around three weeks from now when current class end and new one starts. Mom and my sister returned to hometown few days ago, leaving me alone here. And I can only go home on late August. Such a long way to go.

I suppose I can say I am kind of stressed with another thing as well.

I just don't understand why. I suppose if we talk directly, I will finally find out... Yet I feel there is no urge to do so since the other party totally shows no interest at all in talking with me about anything. That is rather discouraging, hence I decided to back off slowly and eventually cut off the connection. Not that I am angry or anything... I just don't understand why, and I react to what I see in front of me. Who wants to live in discomfort anyway, right? If I am not needed, if it makes me feel discomfort, I may as well stand back and live my life alone. No offense at all.

Perhaps it sounds like I am disappointed? I guess so. Deep inside since we have been together for a while, we can sort things out properly, but turns out I was wrong. I had faith... and in one way or another I was 'betrayed'. Sometimes I think if I have done something wrong, something I am unaware of.

So when I was told that we were going to talk... I'm just curious now.

Enough with the gloomy post.

The coming of June also marks something else in my life, actually, something more positive and lovely. It marks six month of something special, which I didn't think would last this long actually. It started of as something fun, and eventually we enjoyed it. I can't wait to see where we will go to after this. <3

Staying positive is so hard to do, but I will do my best!


P.S.: I hope you like the secrecy! :DD
aetherna: (frottage1)
2012-05-25 11:54 pm

I will cherish you forever.

Who would think such sentence can have a strong and deep impression?

Twice I heard this sentence, each in a different way, and it touched me and made me cry.

Read more... )

I suppose I can say that we may have heard this sentence so many times, in different form of words or expressions, but never really considered it as something important. Although death will sure come, that this life would come to an end, we all expect that it will still happen some time far away, in few years in the future. Still a long way to go. Or that the current life we have is already a happy one, we are completely satisfied with it or just can't be too bothered to actually do something else for a change. Or we can do it some time soon, just not now. Still a long way to go.

Happy moments, sad moments. The joy of finding someone important in your life after a windy and hurtful road, and to know that this person feels the same about you. The pain of losing a friend you have been together with for a long time, who supports you and listen to you, who gets angry at you and scolds you; he was lost protecting you until the very end. Perhaps not as extreme as those examples. Yet there surely are times when you feel so up high that it makes you feel so light or deep down that it's suffocating. All those moments, those people, those times bring us this far and turn us into who we are now.

Our lives are so fragile. In a blink of an eye everything can changed, you never know. Still we often neglect it and let it pass away just like that. I have been living like that. You may have, too.

Have you and I cherished our lives today?
aetherna: (artistique3)
2012-05-20 08:55 pm

Holiday and sickness.

This weekend is kind of mixed. We had a long break thanks to the holiday for Christ's Ascension, from Thursday down to Sunday (which is today). I was supposed to spend a happy, lovely, and laid-back free time at home with Mom and Sis, playing games, enjoying TV programs, watching dramas and anime, fangirling like a crazy one...

I am not the one who was sick, if you worried a little. :P

Late at night, actually just around an hour after midnight, early in the beginning of Saturday, we received a call that Mom's mother (so my maternal grandmother) fell ill. Heart attack, it seemed. She was unconscious and brought immediately to hospital... None of her child was around to help, it was another family. Mom rushed over to her place, which is not at this city, Friday afternoon. She would return tomorrow night. Well, that left me with a task to look after Sis, although it was taken over completely by my aunt who used to take care of her before...

Now that sounds like I was back to being 'jobless', but it was boring since I had no one to talk to. :(

Problem solved a bit when I went to visit a friend's house to play couple of hours on Saturday afternoon. And by going back to boarding house today. ... Or no. Since I have classes tomorrow. Starts early, ends late. And seems like it's going to be boring.

"Ah, stress!"
aetherna: (chibi3)
2012-04-21 11:49 pm

Some things are just hard to let out.

Well, as the title says.

I don't know why specifically. Today I feel so full inside but empty as well. Confusing, right? I'm sorry. It is just hard to describe what I have inside and they are also hard to let out. I ended up crying. >_>

I think it is most probably related to everything and all stress I have been keeping to myself lately... First source obviously is university life. Problems in terms of exams and scores and assignments, non-academic activities which just hurt my head with all the works and deadlines, and lack of sleep. Another source would be family-related, I suppose. Things just don't go well as it used to, and when I ignored it I ended up piling it up inside. Thus, the explosion.

Just tired, that is all, really.

It is at this kind of time that I started to feel that perhaps I just took the wrong step, that I shouldn't have done this since the beginning, and so on. Such a bad mind.

Tired. Means I need sleep. See you tomorrow then, hopefully with a better mood.
aetherna: (artistique1)
2012-04-17 08:00 pm

Mirai Nikki

I finished another anime today, I decided it might be fun writing what I feel and think of series I watch. Well, like a review, but not as good as one those awesome reviews out there since I have never written a review on anime~ So don't be too harsh. :P

Obvious warning, spoilers ahead, as much as I try to keep it as superficial as possible, so do NOT read if you do NOT want to be spoiled!

Mirai Nikki



Episodes: 26
Status: Completed
Producers: Asread
Genres: Action, Mystery, Supernatural, Psychological, Thriller



Based on a manga with the same title, middle school 2nd year, Amano Yukiteru, is a boy who has problem making friends. He thinks of himself as a bystander and will always write down everything he sees in a cell phone diary.

Tormented by solitude, Yukiteru began to imagine things like a friend called Deus Ex Machina who is apparently the Lord of Time & Space. Seeing Yukiteru's miserable state, Deus gives him a new ability. His diary will now record events that will happen in the near future. Yukiteru is then forced to participate in a game which the winner will become Deus's successor.

Opening Theme: "Kuso Mesorogiwi" by Yousei Teikoku
Ending Theme: "Blood Teller" by Faylan


Read more... )

I didn't regret watching this anime though I was sometimes annoyed with the psychological element as it was too twisted. XD A great and fun journey. I don't want a sequel, just at least a glimpse of what the ending actually meant. Perhaps I should go check the manga, eh. :P
aetherna: (chibi5)
2012-04-12 08:46 pm

Life is never flat.

Well, pardon my non-posting period lately. Besides that I don't really have something to say, I'm busy as well. Working on various assignments, real life and online life, LOL~

Exams are coming and I barely have any time left. I think I will have to stop most my online activities soon to prepare for the exams, especially going to forums... That is just so addicting. Need to stop a bit. Perhaps I will spend more time writing here on the journal. Yay me!

Well, and tomorrow I'm going to spend the day after classes at my friend's birthday. So close to exam yet what am I doing..? LOL~ I need my fun!

Just wish me luck to stop myself from going to forums too much. T_T
aetherna: (chibi2)
2012-04-07 01:03 am

Friday Five - Randomosity!

I forget. I already did. Yet I was reminded somehow just suddenly. Your brain is indeed the strangest thing in this world.

Let's go!

P.S.: As usual, you can find these questions originally at [community profile] thefridayfive.

1. If you were given one million dollars, on the condition that you had to give half of it away, how would you go about giving away half a million dollars?

I don't mind. At all. In my country dollars mean much, and to be able to get even half a million of it would be very helpful. I would just positively think that someone else might need that half a million, LOL~ Then I will use what I have to go have fun, visit Europe, go see music concerts, and pay for my university fees. How beautiful!

2. Do you write letters or send cards to anyone via the postal system regularly, only for special occasions such as birthdays, or not at all?

Very rarely. When I was in the mood to, I sent several postcards to my best online friends. I have only once sent a gift to a friend aboard. Never really liked doing one and it is kind of expensive as well so I won't bring trouble to my parents for paying it for me, ehe~

3. What is the most treasured memento you have kept?

I wonder... I still keep the pen I received from a real-life meeting with my first best online friend. And a doll from someone important... I'll leave it there. :P

4. If one of your friends phones you at 4am because they are depressed and upset, but you have an important job interview in the morning. What do you do?

My answer? (1) None of my friends would ever call me in such hour. I make sure I make friends with those who wouldn't do that to me. (2) If one of them ever called me at 4 AM in the morning despite my prevention actions, poor this person as I would not respond at all. How dare you interfering with my sweet dream and sleep!

5. What is the phrase or quote that sums up who you are as a person?

"Work hard, play hard." ... I guess. I don't think I work that hard.... Oh, well. :D


There we go! This time it is much fun, thanks for the questions, Friday Five! Look forward to next week's questions. :D