I had applied for residency in neurology, but the admission was inevitably delayed due to COVID-19 issues. I went into a half-frenzy-half-scared mode when I got the news that interview and all the remaining exams would take place online. Frenzy because I had to juggle studying among everything else, and scared because now I'm not sure if I want to leave my comfort zone and go back to school in the middle of a huge war against the Coronavirus. But there's no running away, and I finished all the exams yesterday. Now I wait.

In the middle of this confusing time, as I run out of games to play, one phrase suddenly comes to mind: otome games. I have no idea which part of my brain comes up with such a suggestion and why, but I end up downloading Mystic Messenger and Mr. Love: Queen's Choice. Two old otome games which, according to two friends, are quite popular in their niche and are worth my time at least for the tragic and broken plot.


As charming as Gavin and Victor are (guess which ones are them from the poster above), I don't have the time yet to fully commit to a game as huge as Mr. Love, given that I still have an action RPG one to grind almost all day long. I stick to Mystic Messenger for now, which so far is showing promises 7 days into the game. As the game matches my real time to dish out content, it feels almost real; as if I am talking to real people and preparing for a real party. It is even more surprising to hear the Korean instead of the usual Japanese voiceover on my games. The only unreal part is how I should go for answers which are not really me to get to the desired ending(s) and find the bigger picture of what's going on. Still, these new experiences are entertaining, so I believe I'll stick around for several walkthroughs.


One point that originally pulled me into these games was the 'dating sims' tag, but turns out this is quite different from my imagination. I was thinking about the style dating sims in Persona series, but neither really works like that so far. I avoid spoilers, so maybe I'm just not yet at that romantic dating point, so we'll see. I do like that I see each character's flairs throughout the chats in Mystic Messenger; everyone is so crazy fun and weird in their own ways, even the minor characters in the emails. More than romance, I'm thankful to have this kind of character and relationship exploration.

After all, that's what reality is about, isn't it?

There is a real difference between the world of school and the world of work.

I graduated at the end of October 2015. After a long journey for 5 years, I am finally, officially a doctor! ...Sometimes the title does feel so heavy a burden given how empty my head is. But anyway, it marks the end of painful days of studying, scoring, assignments, exams, and everything else. It sounded impossible previously; I looked back at my posts here at this journal, how exhausting and stressed I was during this journey. I was not even sure about my final exams. Unending gratitude for everyone (and God) who supported me throughout those years.

Despite no longer titled a student, it doesn't necessarily mean I can practice my knowledge freely. I have yet to gain my official license, which can only be obtained after I pass one-year internship period at a remote area. Currently still in the process of working on that department: registration, collecting information and testimonies regarding various area, and getting ready in general. I can only hope I won't pick the wrong choice.

Besides enjoying my free time by trying to write in this journal again, browsing around at forums, replaying Persona 3 Portable for the only-God-knows-how-many-times-has-it-been times, trying to play Persona 3 FES but waiting for the USB-joystick Mom is going to send soon, watching more and more Korean drama, watching another Chinese drama, and just sleeping when I have any time left after doing all those things, I am working as a research assistant at campus. Ophthalmology is one of the fields I'm interested to study even more (though it is actually half-surgery, duh!) so I am quite happy I can get a work here. I had to send my applications few times to different people until I was finally accepted. That hit me quite hard because I didn't imagine the world of work is that competitive. It's been a great experience, though. From handling samples, taxes for the honors, and working on monthly assessment of patients' treatment. Fun work is fun.

I also recently found out the lovely feeling of making your own money. That pushed me as far as making my own PayPal account and thinking about what I can do to bring more income. Posting is one possible option, but I'm still experimenting with what I can do. I need ideas!

/me goes to that place where all brilliant ideas are produced

( If you really don't know what it is... )

I think I will post a more detailed update of myself in another post, after this one. At this moment the need to share these two amazing songs is stronger than a boring update about myself.

I was late checking the new release of one of my favorite singer group, 4MEN. And when I did check the songs out, as usual I regret why I did not do it sooner. From their newest, fifth album, titled "1998", these two songs hit me hard on the face.

"포맨 (4men) - Star" (Watch on YouTube)

Though I can’t talk with you, though I can’t hug you...
It’s alright.
You are a dazzling star.
And I live in that light.

The song title is Star. Before I went to search for the lyrics translation, I did not expect its meaning to be a song from fans for their idols. Very sweet. It was a novel idea for me. But then the quote above, a part of the refrain, brought tears to my face for some unknown reasons. I think it was because for me this song is not only for idols on TV, but also for idols in real life, those who are so far away for me, unreachable, but I will always hold them dear in heart. Because there is nothing else I can do. This song is supposed to make me happy, so I find it funny that I'm crying.

"[MV] 4MEN(포맨) _ OK" (Watch on YouTube)

Even if you go clubbing, I’m OK.
Even if you get plastic surgery, I’m OK, because you are my love.
I’ll pick the stars for you, I’ll give you the moon.
Even if you get sensitive once a a month, it’s OK!

Very simple title with very simple (full) lyrics. I love it because of the fresh melody and powerful voices combined with simple lyrics; honest, straightforward, and sweet. Most probably because we are used to hear words organized beautifully. But no, this song does not need it. And that is why it is so charming. That is why I love it.

Long story short? I love 4MEN to death. If you have not checked them out and are a fan of ballad songs, they are worth your time. Always.

More than a week without updates. Busy, busy...

The title this time is taken from my tweet a while ago when I was watching MasterChef Indonesia Season 3. I remember watching MasterChef US with a participant being blind, and she was as awesome as any other normal participants -- if not better. That was something amazing. This time I saw one of our participants being someone deaf. I thought, in cooking you need sight more than hearing, but then if he couldn't hear the instructions or not knowing when the bell ended as a sign or when he couldn't hear the voice of something boiled as you cooked it... It sure is hard. So thumbs up for both of them. So much inspiration.

Life has been busy but slightly fun, I guess. Finished with the national biology competition yesterday. Not too tired since I didn't really do much, but I enjoyed it. After all it's the last chance to enjoy the competition as official committee members; next year I'd just be a visitor who decided to help.

Today I had my first TV shooting, whee! So my church was invited to join in a Catholic discussion program on TV. A choir group was selected, and I was asked to help to play the music. We recorded the sound last week, today we recorded the people involved, haha. It was my first time being recorded for playing instrument too, not singing. Just minor make-ups and our usual clothes. Looking forward for the result!

My tablet returns to life! After letting it die for a while, I pressed the power button for few seconds and it rebooted. I was sooo happy.

And ultimately exams are coming. What have I done? I know you can guess. Seventeen lectures materials to review for the exam, and not to mention that those were superficial so I need to read textbooks too...

Life is so cool.

This weekend is rather gloomy. I didn't return to grandma's place because I wanted to enjoy sleeping at boarding house to the best, but I spent Saturday morning on an activity for my organization and the Sunday morning for church. And wi-fi here died, so I had to resort to using modem. This is the third day the wi-fi died, and with it all the drama and anime series I was supposed to catch up with this weekend. :|

I'm trying not to be too dependent on technology, but still, lol. This topic was also mentioned at the retreat last time. Humans have been too dependent for their lives and become slaves to technology. In a sense it is true, but how helpful and how basic these things have become in our lives is just that undeniable. At least I can still do my academic tasks well with this modem. But this slow speed is killing me. T_T

Oh, well, I suppose this is a sign for me to study since exam is coming closer. So I'll study now and get ready for big payment soon after!

Yeah, probably because I was too lazy or something, LOL~

A week has passed in the new year. I failed my last test so I need to did it again, cutting my holiday a bit. Oh, well, punishment accepted. I think I studied not bad, but I did so while watching a K-drama titled "Faith". That's probably why, ahaha~ The drama wasn't too bad, though.

The exam is due on Wednesday. I better do well this time so I can go on vacation with a free heart and mind. It's my last vacation anyway.

Less than 90 minutes before the closure of 2012. And what am I doing? If you can't guess, shame on you.

Funny thing I found out from Twitter is that seniors are fighting as well at hospitals, sacrificing their new year's eve for helping others. Very sweet, that new year's eve can be used in another way like that! /a bit of sarcasm

Anyway, I don't feel anything special. No close family, just relatives, and the burden of exam right after this pressures me a bit no matter how much I'm trying to take it easy.

Well, I still play games, but, you know...

Yeah, we're entering the last 24 hours we are going to have in 2012. Therefore, all posts made on this day will share one title, dedicated to the year which will pass away soon.

There isn't much to say, since I can't really remember much. My long-term memory is kind of bad, you know. But as usual when you look back at the end of the road like this, you'd feel that time passed away way too fast. It felt as if I had just entered the year mentioned as the end of the world, with various worries over life and school.

Where am I now?
Soon I will finish my fifth semester, one more to go before the crazy clinical stage. I have finished my thesis, meaning one step closer to be a doctor. 2012 is also my last year in this age of 1x. Next year I'll be 20, and I guess adult world comes up after that.

Thinking of everything back I guess the journey made me into who I am today, good and bad.

I survived the world's doomsday. God loves me! /sarcasm

Anyway, been more than a month since my last post here. Very sporadic, eh? Here I was, promising to try hard to write regularly, but eventually it fell behind. Life's been busy, and the time I had used to stay online were channeled to games or anime or sleeping. Sounded like.. frustrated? Perhaps, a bit.

This year's Christmas and New Year is the first I celebrate without my core family. I'm stuck here because my semester is yet to end, but parents and sister are already at hometown. Around a week more I'll be free, but there's still a lot to go through to reach that point. Exams, mainly. On January 2nd, 2013. Look at the date, LOOK AT IT.

Honestly saying I wanted to celebrate New Year at a friend's house. But thanks to this annoying responsibility of having to go and see relatives on those days, I'll return to grandma's place soon enough. And studying there. And make a fool of myself for not being able to talk and have fun like others have. Because I barely talk to them, or maybe don't really know all these relatives that well.

I guess I'm just tired with life.

I'll probably write a bit more since I'm so bored and lazy. But two exams are around the corner as well, so...

P.S.: Belated Merry Christmas 2012!

Yeah, new month. Soon this year would end. Isn't it just crazy to see how fast time goes by? More importantly, it's scary. My life feels kind of... meh.

Well, let's see. What am I up to this month...

Exams are coming, this week and the next week too. So I'll probably write a bit more, since writing is all I can do to refresh the head. I don't dare to go to any forums or websites; too much of distraction, LOL~ I'm also preparing my thesis. Things finally got rolling, and now that my friends and I are in the mood for it, better solve it as quick as we can before strange things delaying us any further. So even less time online. Spare time I have is all given to catch up with my weekly anime. Oh, my.

I actually am thinking of getting myself in a Japanese course. Probably not a wise thing to do given my schedule, but still... I wish one day I can continue studying Japanese and German. I was thinking about this recently, and decided to go with Japan first since it's closer to my hobby so should be easier to learn.

I also have a friend who's planning to take a course like me too. When I asked her why she decided to do it now that we're so close to getting even busier, she said, "Because just once this time I want to do something I love."

You probably don't know how true that sentence is for her, and for me, strangely. As I think more of it, I can't help to agree with it.

Not to mention the preparation for a local event held by an organization I'm member of in the next two weeks. Running like a crazy ant all around, yes, that's me.

We'll see. For now, I need to survive day by day with various tasks to step on the exams.

Goodness.